We come to love with all sorts of preconceived notions. It’s the subject of countless books, movies, and songs. Yet despite how important love is to us, we still hold many misconceptions about what relationships should look like. Believing these myths can shape our expectations and influence our relationships in ways that may not always be healthy. Here are some common myths about love and the reality behind them.

Love conquers all

One of the most pervasive myths about love is the idea that it has the power to overcome any obstacle. While your love can be a powerful force, it’s not a magic solution to all of life’s problems.

In reality, successful relationships need hard work, compromise, and good communication. There will be times in your life where your relationship is hard as you go through big changes together. Love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship through these difficult times. What’s most important is approaching your challenges as a team. Understand there will be times when you feel closer to or more distant from your partner, and that’s okay.

“I can change them”

When people believe they can change their partner, it can lead them to pick the wrong person. These types of dynamics can quickly turn toxic. Change cannot come from the outside. It has to be an intrinsic motivation, a real desire to become a better person.

Also, making big life decisions such as getting married or having a baby, with the goal of changing the other person, is a recipe for disaster. You’ll only make the relationship more complicated, and it may even breed anger and resentment.

Jealousy is a sign of love

Pop culture often shows jealous acts in a positive light. Many people have come to believe a jealous partner (or being the jealous partner) is a natural part of any relationship and even might be desirable. However, excessive jealousy can be toxic and damaging to a relationship.

Jealousy is actually a sign of deep insecurity and distrust of your partner. Behaviors like controlling who your partner spends time with, checking their phone, or looking for reasons to claim infidelity can turn emotionally abusive very quickly. Real healthy relationships are built on trust and mutual respect.

“You complete me”

The idea that we need another person to complete us is a common theme in our culture. Many of us learn about love from fairy tales at an early age—the prince and princess weren’t whole until they found each other, then they live happily ever after. However, relying on someone else to fulfill us is usually unhealthy and unrealistic.

True love should enhance your life, not define it. Your partner cannot be all things for you: best friend, therapist, monetary supporter, and sex partner. It’s important to cultivate a sense of self-worth and fulfillment independent of your relationship. You should strive to feel whole on your own, rather than looking to someone else to fill a void within you. It’s also okay to have close friends and family who play a role in your life that your partner cannot.

Are you struggling romantically?

Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or looking for a new love, harboring these unhealthy beliefs can make your life difficult. You may believe these myths because of your upbringing, trauma, or a societal view about how relationships should be.

If this is hindering your ability to authentically connect with your partner, consider seeing a therapist. In therapy sessions, you can unpack your past relationship history, look at how relationships were modeled for you, and develop better communication skills.

To find out more about how marriage counseling can change how you look at love, please reach out to us.