When you say to your partner “I need some space!” you might mean it literally or metaphorically. It also doesn’t mean you’re breaking up! In a long-term relationship, it’s important to think about how you can carve out your own space.

Each person having their own individual activities, time, and space to themselves occasionally is key to keeping your relationship healthy and communicative. Here are a few reasons why advocating for your personal space is important in a partnership.

You learn to set boundaries

Healthy boundaries form the bedrock of a good relationship. It’s best to set them early so that your relationship doesn’t feel like it’s backsliding when you realize you’re lacking boundaries. But they do need to be renegotiated sometimes.

Perhaps you set aside time to play music one night of the week, but over time, your partner has encroached on that space. They keep convincing you to go on outings or ask for help at just the moment you want to be alone with your guitar.

Re-set that boundary: remind them that you’ve always designated that time for yourself and explain why it’s important to you. Encourage them to carve out their own time while you’re having a conversation about boundaries.

You’re practicing assertiveness

Showing up for yourself is important, especially within your relationship. You are your own person. Advocating for your personal space means you’re reminding both you and your partner that you’re important to the relationship.

By asserting your own time and space, you’re also articulating your feelings, which is a key to good communication. Learning to say what you need and how to have your needs met will benefit you in all your relationships, not just romantic ones.

You’re getting to know yourself

As you practice assertiveness and maintain your personal space, you’re spending time with yourself. This becomes an act of self-awareness. It’s easy to lose yourself when you’re living with someone and spending all your free time with them.

When you maintain your personal space, you get to discover what makes you happy, what gets your creative mind spinning, and the delights of your unique inner experience. When you’re secure in yourself, you’ll be a better partner.

You’ll both refrain from codependency

When neither of you advocates for personal space and your boundaries breakdown, you can suffocate the relationship. You could become so intertwined that you don’t feel safe without each other.

Maintaining your personal space is one way you can keep up the individuality necessary to have a healthy relationship. This will also improve communication, since you’re consistently having conversations about how to separate your time and be your own people. This isn’t to say you should be spending all your free time apart—keep it to certain activities or dates and times.

You’ll build trust over time

Sometimes people are afraid of personal space because they don’t trust themselves or their partner. When you both designate your own private activities and moments, you’re trusting yourselves to be away for a bit.

You don’t need to be mentally and emotionally fixated on your partner 24/7. Having healthy personal space allows for those moments of silence that are good for a relationship.

Are you struggling with personal space?

If you and your partner can’t see eye to eye about setting up personal space, you’ll need to communicate. Sometimes, basic communication can be difficult when a relationship has become too codependent or boundaries consistently get disregarded.

Consider seeing a couples therapist. With a mediator, you can have new conversations about what personal space can look like in your relationship, how to set and keep boundaries, and what good communication means to you.

To find out more about how a therapist can help you advocate for your personal space, please reach out to us. Marriage or couples counseling can help you.